then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
