when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
