remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
