i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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