I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize