Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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