Im at strip club and am horny
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
