Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So vagazzling was a success
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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