I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
