she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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