i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
