It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
