I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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