I skipped work to stalk him.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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