I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
