You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
