Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
