sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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