What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
