I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
