literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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