Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
