shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I cut my penus on the lid.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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