Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
