they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
