You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
