You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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