She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
