I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
