Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
