I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
