Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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