just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
