My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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