Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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