Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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