my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
third nipple confirmed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
