I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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