This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
