eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Found the puke drawer
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
