she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize