watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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