Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
