Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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