once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize