sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
