I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
