My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
