Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
