The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
