please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
