he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think people are normalizing furries
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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