where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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