This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
