Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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