My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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