he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
