Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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