Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
