at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
