You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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