I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
