I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
