Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize