And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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