So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize