And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
