sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
