I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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