Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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