You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
