Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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