So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
