barbara walters just said penis...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
