Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
