This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
