You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
