UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
