i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
