He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
