the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It's official drugs can't kill me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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