hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
