I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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