I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
