Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
