Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
