..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
