i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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