SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I checked into jail on foursquare
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
