$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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