UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
