I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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