Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
