i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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