oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
