I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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