She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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