Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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