sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
