TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
