dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Houston, we have a squirter
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
