I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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