we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
