1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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