he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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